before i really knew you and before i really knew myself...

remebering as we remember the scent of a fresh flower or for that matter rose..are the lucidly said words that made sentences from heaven... i belive in you ..your abilities.. and when i asked do i have any, the reply, was such an effect, inavertedly elpoed where the inhibitions and doubts, i was the master now,,, master of my own fate,,,

remembring the promise and going the other way round of my own selfmade, selfish rules, (promises are meant to be broken) this time it will not work...as i ll be, wrting something to cheer about...

HAPPY IS MY NEW PHILOSHPHY ....
with the punchline...
tension ke to koi baat he nai hai...ALLAH tal'aa kari saahili...

dedicated to all my frenz....
who really care for who am i..//\

I don't know why

Relieved because suicides an option
Happy because I can release my pain 
Guilty because I have a secret
Lost because no one can keep me sane

Being me..

"i am at leisure and i dont have time for myself"

this is what i said this morning, while talkin to a friend of mine, i just said it that time, but here's the question, do i really dont have any time for myself, i can watch IPL matches, even movies, read books other than of my course, novels, play cricket, chat, on Phone, and still i don't have time for me, What does it mean..? Is it I know myself or Is it I don't wana know myself? or is it that I am so busy doing nothing, that i can't do anything else.. i had this habbit of self analysation long before, but now i am a diffirent person alltogeather, lost in search, i do things unlike me,  i want to write even more but i don't know, i want to empty myself from whatever is in my heart, my mind, but i am giving up for i dont have words..

(inane ain't it..?)

I'm Coldblooded, Emotionless!

Notes  to Myself

 

I felt a kind of self revelation, I got one-liners for everything about life and learn from it. I learnt so much about my own self – those things I’d never considered important enough to ponder about earlier. Now isn’t it funny, that how life tells you about things you should have always known on your own at the first place? Apparently I discovered

THE SEASON OF MY MEMORIES:

As the tiny flakes slowly fall,

onto the long thirty earth;

As the snow covers the vale ,

with the white cloth of winter;

My mind wanders into yesterday,

Through those memories, so dear to me.

As i walk down my memory lane,

I see what the last snowfall was like.

The same flakes fell, onto the same land.

The white cloth of winter was no different.

Yet , something has changed n changed for worse.

I no more feel like going out,

I no more feel like becoming a kid.

I have no desire to play.

My eyes await not the glow of the sun,

My heart no more desireth the spring.

There is no feeling of her closeness anymore.

 

That season was different,

My heart was alive;

my eyes awaited her return,

My ears awaited that voice dear to my heart;

My love awaited its destiny.

Sweet was that pain of distance,

Sweet was the world i dwelled in -

the world of our dreams.

But, sweeter still was the bond that made us one,

despite our distance.

 

Today is no different than the last deason.

I stand at the same window,

I stare at the same street.

I love the same soul,

I cherish the same heart.

But, lo! I no more await her return...

 

What i await is an answer,

An answer to my unextinguished tears;

My love awaits no destiny.

It awaits its death to rest in peace

for the sake of the one i so dearly love.........